Never Underestimate....

Never Underestimate....

The value of a comfortable chair.
Today, while looking at a new used loveseat, I picked up an office chair, that new had to have cost at least a couple of hundred dollars. It is worth every penny. Now, I can sit here and type on my laptop at my usual 30 wpm and get up without having a cramp in my back and pain in my wrists. It's wonderful. No, not nearly as good as sex, but pretty far up on the scale of enjoyeable things. Lol

A reliable car.
Mine, while having it's quirks, gets me past all the people I see broken down on the side of the road just fine. I'll never understand why people take their vehicles for granted the way they do. They are mechanical objects, after all. They will break down if you don't take care of them. Personally, if your sound system and rims are worth more than the car, don't you think - as you're sitting beside the road with the hood open, steam pouring out of the engine or scratching your head as you try and figure out how to get the jack under your "slick, trick lowered ride" as it sits with a flat tire and the frame on the ground, that you  might outta have put some of that "disposable cash" you spent on the toys, into a decent set of tires, a decent spare or engine work?

A loyal pet.
Nothing is more satisfying than coming home at the end of the day to a wagging tail and a happy face to see you. No, not that kind of tail and happy face you freak. I like the visual but it's not what I'm talking about. A faithful companion who loves you regardless of your looks, financial status and what you drive is indespensible to a person's well being. A pet is the reality check to any given day. They know when you're sick, upset or just not feeling like yourself and they're always ready to lend a head to pat to make you feel better and it doesn't hurt their feelings to be given a little love either.

The long way home.
Yes, there's a lesson in the supertramp song of the same name, but overall, the long way home, on occasion, is a great relaxation technique. In our hectic lives, sometimes, the best thing to do after a really shitty day is to listen to the traffic report and go right to the spot of the traffic pile up. Sitting in traffic, knowing that you're not going anywhere fast & there's not a thing you can do about it, is a good way to blow all the crud off your mental patio. Who cares if the people around you think you're nuts because you appear to be talking to yourself. If it makes you feel better, put your cellphone to your ear like you're on a call. With so many people walking around with the little Star-Trek things on their ears and looking like blithering idiots who appear to be talking to themselves, you'll fit right in. Just don't throw the phone out the window or scream like a little girl if the phone acutually goes off. Nothing more immasculating than that high pitched teenager scream from a grown man.

A friendly email.
People have forgotten the art of conversation. Everyone thinks there has to have a point to their prattling. There doesn't. You can offer a brief polite response to something that's said, but then say something totally strange. Be funny. It covers up the fact that you have absolutely nothing to say. Also, being randomly funny, puts a smile on the recipients face and could mean the difference between them sleeping soundly or losing their mind and going down to the local convenience store, gymn or theater and killing everyone in sight. Think about it. You think the lard ass in front of you at the picture show is annoying because he won't get off his cell phone or won't quit talking to the the retard next to him trying to explain every little thing about the movie and keeps bobbing his fat head in your way causing you to miss crucial scenes of the movie; it's way more annoying to have someone bust in right as they're about to disclose who did it, or (in the unrated versions) you're about to finally see the treasure chest under the shirt of your favorite actress and BOOM! BANG! ZING!, some fool bursts in and pops a cap in the back of your head.

Family.
No matter how much of an idiot, bitch or ass you are, they still love you. They might not invite you to barbeques or family outings, but they still love you. They'll be there, on the condition that you behave yourself, when you really need it the most.

Friends.
They have their own problems and they really generally don't want to hear yours’, but if you really need them, they will take a moment to let you cry on their shoulder, sleep on their couch and if they're good enough friends, they'll let you borrow their shovel and some trash bags to dispose of the evidence from you getting your stupid ass in way over your head when you should have just gone home and had a beer and punched the monkey to late night Skinemax.

A lawyer.
I won't say "good" because there really aren't any. They all pretty much are out for their own interests. They may friendly and all that, might even be worth inviting over for gifttmas dinner, but generally are a rather humorless lot and not much fun in polite society. Granted there are a few exceptions, but not many. I personally only know of two and one I'm not quite certain of. lol Anyway, they are indespensible at times to handle the court related things that you really shouldn't be stupid enough to handle yourself.

Self defense classes.
They're invaluable in protecting your toukas as everyone wants to pass you around like a bong on the cell block because you forgot to invite your indespensible attorney to your gifttmas/new years party.

Soft toilet paper.
I personally recommend quilted northern. Yes, I'm a bit prissy in regards to my toilet paper. But, hey, I figure if I'm gonna buy the expensive shaver to pamper my face, the name brand deo/antiper to prevent my underarms from breaking out, the least I can do is buy something special for my ass. Let's face it, although we think we are in control of our body, we're not.
Think about it, you pop a squat and suddenly you realize the paper is rough'rn hell. What happens? That's right, you clench. Your whole body tightens up and makes your reason for being there a lost cause. Later, you have some serious cramps because you pulled the emergency handle on the train and backed everything up. Now you're really in trouble because you get the sweats and wear out your name brand d/a, your comfy clothes are all soaked and you're popping sits all over the place from the increased activity in your freshly shaven poors. Also take into account that people see the horrific look on your face, the bittersweet smell of system dystress and back away from you. The horror, embarrassment, and loss of face is so unnecessary when it can be prevented with a little toukas tlc.

A sense of humor.
I know you're laughing right now, or at least smiling and the thought of that combined with the knowledge that I just personally increased your life span by a week or two, at least, makes me feel good and therefore increases my life span by a little margin. That makes me happy because not only will I have that much more time to make you smile and perpectuate the cycle, I know that there are many out there that are pissed off that I'll be around a little longer than they would like and that tickles the shit right out of me.
 
Good thing I have a fresh new quilted roll on hand.

*GREAT BIG GRIN*